I want. A lot of things.

Thursday, January 10, 2008

with nothing but sky between us

I went not knowing what to expect. Only my best friend can truly make me happy. He is the only one who ever can tell by my voice over a static ridden phone call that something's wrong. So i find my trip was healthy, if not for my body, at least my soul. yes that invisible being inside me which holds my conscience, and my beliefs.
The plane was shaky, the passengers aggravated, the attendants pleasant, and the toddlers unhappy with the sudden change in pressure.
The city was as I had left it. A place full of empty people with empty goals, fast cars, and road rage. Through the window I saw the approaching orange roofs which could only mean palm beach county. The landing was rough, and the passengers pushing to get off the plane. I left my watch back in Chapel hill.

The thought struck me, that i really have no home. No place feels like home. Not chapel hill, nor West Palm, nor Greensboro. I feel out of place in every location. Perhaps this is because i haven't found my home yet. or just that my constant relocation leaves my soul confused as to where it belongs. Is it in Chapel Hill with my parents? Is it Delaware with my family? Is it West Palm with my best friend? or is it Greensboro with my boyfriend and education? my body drives me towards Greensboro, with the person who I can't help but think about all the time. But is this the place for me? I don't think so. I couldn't imagine myself in Greensboro permanently. That would be hell. there is no future there for me. I find that people go to Greensboro to become slaves of their addictions. People go to chapel hill for a promising education for their children. People go to West Palm expecting the lifestyle of a millionaire. and frankly i can't think of any reason for anyone to go to Delaware.

(photo by Jessica Fritz)


L in Japanese said...

i tell'ya... this type of thing take time to realize. Home is more than a physical location... i feel its more like a mental perspective on how you see yourself in a environment. People talk shit about being in Chapel Hill all the fucking time, yet nobody ever leaves... and when they do, they always come back. I love it here and it is my home, and couldnt imagine living anywhere else because my mind is at ease here.

I dont live the easy life, nor is my life that complex... i do what i love and i care for the people around me. These same people take care of me. And that what i call home.

Although i could use a vacation.

L in Japanese

Anonymous said...

While nobody relocates anywhere for any particular reason, giving greensboro such a negative feel is not only poison for your situation, but also for the city itself.

This town craves identity. I came here, after all, to make one up. Lord knows, I was doing it on the internet and through my music enough to warrant the same in reality. An approach in the same demeanor may be helpful for you. Also, why not try that addiction? Whatever it might be - from drugs to working until you can't see straight. You might actually learn more from the latter than you think.

And if all else fails, move to portland, everyone loves it there.