post emotional nuclear warfare

Charlie is getting bigger by the day. I wish he would just stay the size he is now, or perhaps shrink back to the size where he could fit in my cleavage.

anyway.

I'm going pretty much crazy. It's been a crazy week. I've spend everyday on the move doing something, or going somewhere. I need something to do, to occupy my empty time slots. I can't handle this current state of having to do nothing, that comes just before bed.

Even as I lay down I don't tire; I just think about what I'm doing tomorrow, or only 6 more days until George comes back, or how close am I to paying off this bill, or how the hell did a lightning bug get in my room, or jeez I really need a couch in the living room, or I really wish I could get in the gym, or I am so fucked for my upcoming semester, or I really need a new job, or I wish I could transfer to SCAD with Zach, along with other random shit that doesn't mean anything.
I wish there was a switch that I could flick when I wanted to sleep for lack of having anything else to do. Sleeping helps the time go by, and I'm out of sleeping pills.

Yet I can't help but feel this overwhelming sense of urgency with every aspect of my life. I really wish I could just graduate this year so I could start a life. but then again, from observation I've learned that I'm at a pretty good stage in life; post high school, pre really big responsibilities, pre being tied down, post living with my parents, pre destruction of metabolism, post emotional nuclear warfare.
however, as it's been every year so far, I just can't "grow up" fast enough.

I have grown so much in the past year. just a year ago I had just gotten out of high school, ready to conquer college only to realize that the summer couldn't be long enough. Six months ago I told myself I would give up on love for the year; in that same week, I met someone who I now think about every minute of every day (cheesy? yes. true? very much so).

my point is I can't wait until 4 years from now comes. because that means i'm that much closer to being able to do nothing every day.

wishlisting

So I've been in my Apartment for a little over a month now. now I need furniture.
That will hold up for a couple months until i get my new kitten Sir Charles Hampton Worshire III declawed.

move!

Tomorrow, I am picking up my keys for my new apartment!
This is exciting.
hopefully I'll be out of Greensboro in the next 2 years, either studying abroad or going to FIT. I just know I can't stick around for too long, I need to see things. I'm already falling into a pattern of where I go, and who I see. I guess running away is how I deal with things.
But Greensboro has me for at least one more year, I'm going to make the best of it, moving up and moving out.
In the meantime, I've regretfully realized that I have not seen many of my friends for weeks, this will change, hopefully before they all leave next week.

So, my roommate and I agree that our apartment is NOT going to be party central, as this is not what our lives generally entail. However, I will have weekly dinner get togethers experimenting with cooking. Because I will learn how to cook! or at least bake.

--- speaking of baking. I would like to make my skin a little bit darker if only so I won't blind people if I happen to go to the beach.

if one were to make a wish list