As of Late

I recently acquired a Blackberry Curve 8900. I love the camera on it. I frequently find myself now documenting daily life, and projects. I have compiled a group of photos that represent my life lately. I have been so busy with working and spending time with George before he leaves for Pittsburgh. We managed to have a little road trip to Richmond to explore the sites, eat amazing food, see friends and a baby.
While there we ate at a restaurant called Harrison Street Cafe. I had a beer battered tofu sandwich, and i crave one everyday now. George and I stayed with his friends Robbie and Kristi who welcomed us with open arms, though we caught them in the middle of a move.

This is somewhere in VA on the way to Richmond

Robbie and Kristi Had 3 cats but I fell head over heals for this one, his name is Norman.

Some things I've been working on lately:

I would like to start writing to people. One of my best friends Zachary Sauer has been in correspondence with me since his move to Savannah for over a year now. And mostly. I just like using stamps, and making doodles.


I've been crocheting on an off, trying to mimic doily's and such. I am also making a circular scarf. Yep i'm getting ready for the winter already.


I have also started sewing books again. Each book is 100% handmade: sewn, glued, covered, and printed. The hard covers are made from Georges old shoe boxes. The fabrics are left over from the fashion shows. The paper was left over from the Obama campaign (I still have an entire box of copy paper). It was all printed using word and my printer. Most of them are have writing and half blank for doodles and sketches and pictures and whatever the user wants to put. I'm thinking of starting an Etsy page... Just gotta build stock.

My diet has been poor lately, mostly carbs and late night meals. Meaning that my body has taken a beating. I bought some new running shoes, and have been breaking them in since i got them. I love them. They're light, flexible, and breathable. They're called Nike Free 5.0 V4.

I've been in trouble since the Anthropologie store opened up in Friendly Center. I just couldn't resist this 4 hook hardware.


I had a pretty good Fourth. We ate really good vegan food, and walked to the down town spiral parking deck with food babies.

I was pretty proud of my vegan meatloaf.

I thought this napping pose was too cute.

Well. so much for my diet. This morning I indulged in Smith Street Diner. Coffee, two eggs, over easy, buiscuit, homefries, and a pancake. I didn't eat again till 4.

I found a home in your eyes/ stuff I bought recently

dear auntie christmas,

screw you.


I simply do not know where this year has gone. Only 9 days till christmas, and I haven't bought a single present. I truly am the worst of procrastinators.

I am far too young to feel this old.

seriously. what happened to this year? I feel like I was a different person a year ago. I feel like I have grown so much, yet i know twelve months isn't that long of a stretch. I can't be a completely different person of course. I still have all the same values, and beliefs i did a year ago; except now i'm with someone who truly understands and supports my beliefs and values, so there is a sense of freedom.

In the past year I got my first apartment, kept a job, became a vice president, cut back on meat, got a kitten, passed chemistry, and met someone (who still gives me butterflies after 10 months [did someone say cheezy?]). OH and I got texting, finally.

after some reflection I have come to the conclusion that I really do like the woman that I've become. I am so much more secure with myself, and my relationships with everyone around me.

security; that's my word of the year.

I have healed the turbulent relationship with my brother finally. this is something I have always worried about, and now I am certain that our relationship will no longer be like oil and water but rather like salt and sugar. We mix well, but he's still bitter at times, and I try to be sweet by talking to him daily.

I am now fully aware of the difficulties that the future will likely bring in relevance to building a career and becoming a stable individual. I know that right now the industry that I wish to devote my life too is shifting to a global scale, and I am also willing to embrace this, and travel where ever it takes me.
I still thirst to travel, but I no longer thirst to leave like I did a year ago. Currently I have nothing to run from; only something to run to.

I am certain that the coming year will be much more difficult than this past year. I have a busy semester coming up. but I am also certain that everything will be ok. I'll do fine. I'll get through it, just like I have for the past 19 years, 1 month and 9 days.

Lacking

quote of the day:
"your mood swings are giving me whiplash."


And so here I find myself under the security blanket that is my parents house, itching to leave every second but wishing to make it last so that I don't have responsibilities for just a couple more hours.

mission make a pumpkin pie was successful today.
No tofurkey for me though, guess they forgot to put that on the grocery list. But there was still my favorite; sweet potato biscuits and mashed potatoes.

Tomorrow I will see my grandparents. I always view these visits two ways.
1) i really do like to see them, I miss them all the time
2) unfortunately every time i see them, they're are exponentially older. I see the pain of my mom mom's arthritis worsen. I see my Grandfathers hearing fade away. I see my mom mom's memory deteriorate. I see my grandfathers temper shorten. I hear the wheezing of my grandmother as she walks a few short steps across the room. I watch my grandfather fall asleep after a minute of silence in a conversation.

the latter of the two always causes a certain amount of wear on my parents, and myself.

Year 2: Reflection 1

It's sad to admit, but I simply cannot read old english (Beowulf) for more than half an hour at time, without my eyes feeling heavy. As if finish off my first week back to school, I have concluded that I am in need of 1) a daily nap, 2) a personal assistant, and 3) about $6,000. The nap is doable; I did it all last year. The personal assistant is not, so I bought a daily planner. And the money is not, but it would be lovely to not work this year and just be a "full time student," which I am already with the addition of a part time job.
My nights are poorly slept and my days seem to drag on. This semester will certainly test my will power to stay in college. I of course do not intend to be a drop out, nor do I intend to "take a year off" as I hardly think I would go back in a timely manner.
I have spent some time reflecting on how different I am from this same time last year. I was naive. I partied too much. I put too much emphasis on relationships. Though the latter is still true, the only thing that needs adjusting is that I need to put school first.
I am trying to get back on my work out regiment, though I am making the same excuses I used to before I started exercising. I have only been once this week, which is unacceptable. I just have to force myself and after a week or so, it becomes habit.

I've been sleeping to pass the time.

I don't know how many times I've been in the Green Bean. But for the third day in a row I find myself in my most comfortable spot in the corner in the back with one of the only electrical sockets. I can't help but notice that I see all the same people, most of them I couldn't name. I get the same thing. One small coffee and on special or not so special occasions, a vegan muffin. I have long since boycotted green bean specialty drinks, knowing full well that each contains hundreds of calories, and a mere 45 cents to make, so why pay $5?

I don't think I would be here this often this week if it wasn't for my coffee pot shattering. Things don't seem to be going my way this week. In the same day (monday) my coffee pot broke, my boyfriend left me for the third time, I became incredibly sick, and had to call out of work. I've slept about 14 hours of each day the past 3 days.

I'm feeling that familiar sense of being left behind.

post emotional nuclear warfare

Charlie is getting bigger by the day. I wish he would just stay the size he is now, or perhaps shrink back to the size where he could fit in my cleavage.

anyway.

I'm going pretty much crazy. It's been a crazy week. I've spend everyday on the move doing something, or going somewhere. I need something to do, to occupy my empty time slots. I can't handle this current state of having to do nothing, that comes just before bed.

Even as I lay down I don't tire; I just think about what I'm doing tomorrow, or only 6 more days until George comes back, or how close am I to paying off this bill, or how the hell did a lightning bug get in my room, or jeez I really need a couch in the living room, or I really wish I could get in the gym, or I am so fucked for my upcoming semester, or I really need a new job, or I wish I could transfer to SCAD with Zach, along with other random shit that doesn't mean anything.
I wish there was a switch that I could flick when I wanted to sleep for lack of having anything else to do. Sleeping helps the time go by, and I'm out of sleeping pills.

Yet I can't help but feel this overwhelming sense of urgency with every aspect of my life. I really wish I could just graduate this year so I could start a life. but then again, from observation I've learned that I'm at a pretty good stage in life; post high school, pre really big responsibilities, pre being tied down, post living with my parents, pre destruction of metabolism, post emotional nuclear warfare.
however, as it's been every year so far, I just can't "grow up" fast enough.

I have grown so much in the past year. just a year ago I had just gotten out of high school, ready to conquer college only to realize that the summer couldn't be long enough. Six months ago I told myself I would give up on love for the year; in that same week, I met someone who I now think about every minute of every day (cheesy? yes. true? very much so).

my point is I can't wait until 4 years from now comes. because that means i'm that much closer to being able to do nothing every day.